Half Empty

You know a good way to get yourself hurt? Tell a pessimist-borderline cynic to think happy thoughts. Now I have heard this a few times in the last few days... we don't think happy thoughts. I definitely don't think happy thoughts when I realize that my friends, who never stood up for me once or said anything to stupid people when they were being nasty, are now being friendly to the biggest drama queen I have ever met. Be friends, I can't tell you who to be friends with but you know what... if you choose to be friends with someone like that then I really don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore. Maybe it's just cause I'm trying to cut said person completely out of my life and will do so if it means extremes. I'm just rethinking friendships cus I'm tired of being the only one that opens my mouth when someone crosses the line or does something completely wrong. I don't sit back and let people walk all over me... sadly my friends do. So maybe I should just keep to myself and defending myself. Never rely on anyone else... and people wonder why I put up this brick wall of defense and don't let anyone get to know me.

Or maybe I just really do fucking hate people. Or maybe I am just in so much fucking pain right now that it makes me crazy. Depo-Provera has messed my body up. Even though I enjoy never having my monthly female visit, 19 months is excessive... cus right now I want to crawl into bed and not come out forever. I guess it is good that my body is regulating and finally getting the hormones out of my system but damnet this pain is insane. I have been popping pain pills like nobody's business the past few days... but not many people know what endometriosis can feel like. Hopefully things get normal, though normal is pain with this problem. Who knows? Maybe the doc will have something to help.

I have been very quiet the past few days... And I think it will continue. What's the point of talking when no one listens anyways? My g*d, I am a Debbie Downer LOL. O well shit happens.