exhaustion

So tired. That is all.

The drive to do more

From Time Magazine. photo by Callie Shell

Calm, quiet, serene, how many more words can I think of for the same one? This is right before he steps out onto the platform. I imagine he is gathering his thoughts, embracing the historic moment he is about to take part in and thinking about how much he loves his family. I know that it is a lot to think this man will make it all better but after 8 years of incompetence, it cannot get much worse. I hope that change is coming. I am putting my support behind him. I am on the Obama train. I am scared that he will not make it through the four years and I hope when he is re-elected in 2012 that I can come back to this and say I was being silly. I am nervous for his well-being and his life. However, I feel like we are now in competent hands. And I'm not going to lie I am super excited for him to overturn the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. What a stupid fucking policy.

I feel that with all of this excitement over the new President and his total awesomeness, that I should be doing more. I am going to get off my butt and stick to my goals. I will not be held back anymore. Thank you President Obama (it makes me tingle to say that). I mean I felt some sadness as Bush got in the helicopter and flew away, but Texas, he is all yours. KEEP HIM. And does anyone else like to say Obama as much as I do, I think it sounds fun coming off the tongue.

On hold

I am sitting here on hold with Blue Cross, I hate Blue Cross. Despise Blue Cross. They say to call back during their lower call volume hours - but those are lies. LIES, I tell you. I have tried and still sat on the phone for an hour. I need to check a code, it will be fast, please Blue Cross?? And they are always named "Janet" but have the thickest accent of any Janet I have ever heard. Interesting stuff I do say.

Wow, that only took about an hour of my life, that I will never get back. Freaking aye. So once again it has been awhile. Has anything happened? No, not really. Obama was sworn in as President, so that was super exciting. But other than that, life keeps on trucking. Have that huge book list but I have barely cracked the first book. Trooper, my dog, had surgery yesterday. Needless to say, he is not a happy camper. At all. But he is high, if only we could all be so lucky.

Last night I got to see my friends band be the house band at a local place. They rock my socks, I like their stuff better than watching them do covers but I will take hot boys in bands any way I can. And he is a lovely looking boy, so all around it was a fantastic time. Found some interesting things out this week. Sorry I'm not going to share LOL. Let's just say someone told me they still love me, someone revealed their true douchebag colors and that's really all that is worth mentioning. Anyways, I'm off to finish working.

History...

I hope you are all watching this... I should've gotten on that train last night... but this is AMAZING. OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Book List

So I received Barnes and Noble gift cards, anyone that knows me understand that there is no better gift (besides money) to give me. I bought ten books and only had to spend $1.85 of my own money!! Woot, Woot! Thank something for the B&N sale.

So until I start school and have to read school books, this is my current list:

1. Fame Junkies - Jake Halpern: explores our obsession with celebrity culture
2. Hope's Edge - Frances Moore Lappe: vegetarianism
3. Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers and Emo - Andy Greenwald
4. Audrey Hepburn - Barry Paris: Duh, Audrey's biography. I love her.
5. On Beauty - Zadie Smith
6. The Portable Obituary - Michael Largo: How the powerful, rich and famous really died.
7. A Piece of Cake - Cupcake Brown: A memoir
8. Elizabeth - J. Randy Taroborrelli: Elizabeth Taylor biography, did she really have violet eyes when she was young? That is freaking awesome.
9. Not the Girl Next Door - Charlotte Chandler: A Joan Crawford biography
10. True Grace - Wendy Leigh: A Grace Kelly biography
11. Driving with Dead People - Monica Halloway: A Memoir
12. Rhett Bhutler's People - Donald McCaig: The authorized novel based on Gone With The Wind

That is the current list. Yeah, that is a lot of reading.

I will get through it cus I love books! In other news, 2009 has been good so far. I got a raise, which was exciting! We are really planning the new space and making plans for the growing practice. Started working at a yoga studio with Cassie. We don't get paid but we get all the yoga we can take which is super fantastic. No excuse to not go! Love it. Still working on my goal for July and have added another cool one. You only live once and well it is time to take the reins. So I'm off to get stuff done. Oh and I got a new laptop! Cus the other one pretty much died. It was time.

Yeah so shoot me...

I know it has been awhile. I will update... for like the two people that randomly come onto my site LOL...
Til then, I got some news from someone who shouldn't matter and yet they do, more than I understand. So when I'm upset, I write. Enjoy.


This razorblade kisses my skin
the way your lips used to
Intimately and lovingly
following the curves that made you drunk
I watch the blood drain away
making paths down my arms, pools on the floor
but no matter how much
I cut, tear, rip apart my flesh
you remain indefinitely
no amount of bloodletting
will get you out of my system
You are deeper than a flesh wound
You are the marrow of my bones
You exist into the core of me
But I will continue to try
I am destroying myself to escape you

1.17.09

A little something I wrote...

Twenty-Two

Excuse me Sir
May I ask you a question?
A little something I'm curious about
It's been in the back of my mind
Seeing as it's been awhile
since the last time we shot the shit
And now I have something gnawing at me
Please don' t be alarmed
this may sound a little harsh
But where the fuck do you get off?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Your smile hides the truth apparently
that old dogs do not learn new tricks
And you really cannot change those spots dear
Your blue eyes sparkle
distracting me, but as I am well aware
all that glitters is not gold
These streets have your name written all over them
The paint should be red
but anger, bitterness and resentment
have muddied the brilliant color
This time it really should be shame on me,
Honestly though, fuck you.

January 5, 2009