"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
I need to read this woman's biography. So many of her quotes apply to life. This quote keeps reoccurring in my life these days. I am tired of being made to feel inferior at my one job. It is time for me to move on. I live near Hoboken... there are a billion restaurants in this town, give or take a few. How can one judge you without even testing you? What is it about me that makes someone think that I will fail? How do you tell an employee that without giving me a chance to prove to you what I can do? Or are you just coming up with bullshit so that you don't have to give me a better position? So... when I give you my notice and your other employees are upset because you are losing someone who fits so perfectly and so competently then it will be on your head. I do not understand this management style... but then again apparently no one does. I am tired of being jerked around when there are other places where I could make good money and not have so much drama. It is a shame because I know the place I currently work would be awesome for my bank account but if the opportunity is not there then I need to move on. And it bothers me that I will not work with so many of these awesome people anymore, but what can ya do? I can't stay there and respect myself anymore. I have done that too often in the past. I can no longer stay somewhere that makes me unhappy.

At least my other job rocks my socks. We have the Arts and Music Festival coming up tomorrow which will definitely make the office busy. Extra hours, health fairs, maybe moving to a bigger office and probably going to school in the next year all to further my career and to make me a bigger asset to the office is exciting stuff.

Now I must go and work and get excited for a nap in between jobs today. Man I'm so tired and I have barely eaten in days. Something is not so right but it will pass!

The times they are a changin'

So River's parents sold their house. When all is said and done, it looks like we must be out sometime in November. So the hunting has begun and the job hunting for River has begun even more in earnest than before. If only we had the money and the ability to start it all over in California... but for now that will be put on the back burner. No other news of note in my life. Planning a return trip to Salem for the weekend before Halloween to experience all that excitement! Woot!

Wow, I have nothing to write about. Still doing the NAET treatments, I am currently clearing an allergy to Vitamin A. Feeling a little drained but all is well. I've got nothing... LoL... bye for now

A small response

Over the weekend I was informed of a blog that I should read on myspace. So I did and can someone please give me a KitKat Bar cus I need a fucking break??? He laid his cards on the table and they had victim written all over them... LAME. I will not respond to the many things that were in this blog but just know that I call shenanigans on it. After being told that the committee should go fuck themselves and then this... get over it yourself. And maybe you should stop contacting members of the "committee" if you are so done with this group of people. And if I remember correctly you are the one that brought people into your pity party. You are the one that shut your phone off to us, made an announcement about being done with everyone and then holed yourself up with the couple of the year. So all of you can take it and shove it... o how I would love to shove it for you... right up your asses. What a waste of friendship when one sucks at it, the other gives it up cus he's so pussywhipped by his first everything that his friends no longer matter and the other doesn't matter cus well she doesn't matter.

I don't care what anyone has to say about this hate filled blog... shit happens.

In other news... the weekend was fun. Besides working, Sunday I got to go to Grampa's and visit which was lovely. Then we came home and had a bunch of people come over and had a grand old committee party with bbq, Rock Band 2 and wicked good times. I finally got a 100% on vocals... on Whatcha Want by the Beastie Boys (I am as surprised as you are) and on My Sharona. WOOO! So now I take my leave of you because well I have to get running.

Just a quickie

I am meaning to put up some pictures from our weekend in Salem and I will put up a picture of my poor puppy in his E-collar. He was neutered on Monday and is super unhappy right now. Just been busy with life. Working a whole lot. I just realized that I have two days off in a row... Sunday and Monday... that is nice. Next week I go in for a bunch of tests and doctor appointments. I have also started the NAET technique with my boss. It is super interesting and an experiment so far. More on that later as well, as I get farther into it. You can look it up if you want under NAET... it is an allergy elimination technique.
I am not loving my restaurant job anymore... but I adore my co-workers. But the situation might change soon and I will love my job again. I will be back later with some fun pictures... like the Parker Brothers mansion and the "Clue" house.

Had a few days

I have had a few days to think, to remember, to reflect and to read. I found this poem on another blog and around the net and it is amazing.

From the 104th Floor
by Leda Rodis (age 14 in 2001)

When the plane hit the building
rocked first
to the right
then
to the left,
and outside all the skyscrapers
of New York
seemed to tremble.

The alarms screamed louder
than we did, and I knew
it was time to get away. It's funny
what you notice:
a pen rolling across the floor
my screen saver flicker and go off
a picture of you
and me
at Coney Island.

So much to leave behind. And yet so little.

Running down the hall I remembered
my mother
taking me to the top
of the Empire
State Building when I was just
a little girl,
telling me that a plane
had crashed there a long
time ago. So I thought that maybe
that's
what happened. Just
an accident. And accidents
happen everyday.

Under the blown-out exit sign
a crowd
is screaming,
crying,
pounding
on the door.
I know:
There's

No
Way
Out.

You have to believe that I tried. I'm not the one
to give up.
Back at my desk, I rescue
the rolling pen,
stare
at the blank screen, and
hold
my picture
of you.
I look out
at the blue morning.
I expect
to see God there.
But what I really see is
another plane.
And I know what it means.
But I don't know why...

I always thought that life was full of choices.
It always has been.
What to wear
Where to eat
Who to love
(and you know who I chose).

Now my choices have been taken away from me.
The men in the planes have narrowed my choices
down
to
two:
Death by fire, or death by fall.

I see the smoke
rising
filling the room
It's hard to breathe

I look towards the open window.
What
would falling feel like?

I remember the roller coaster at Coney Island.

The wind tugging at my hair
How good it felt to scream.
The feeling in my stomach.

And how all the way down

I was with you.


14 years old at the time. Amazing. This poem has stuck with me for the last few days. It was 7 years ago but it feels like yesterday. I remember sitting and staring out the window for days just watching the black clouds billow from the site. I was flipping through the channels and came upon the sick programs that play the news from that day... and of course I got stuck... my heart dropped as I watched the towers fall again. Listening to the great reporters of our time talk about the events in disbelief. I have not been back since it happened. I have not watched any of the movies. I don't think I can stomach it. I stayed on that channel briefly before moving on, tears in my eyes. I remember going to school, taking the bus to Hoboken, to take the train to Seton Hall and staring at all the Missing posters hung up everywhere. The sense of sorrow that overcame me looking at those posters. Thinking how awful it must be to not know... to know and still go through the motions of hope. It amazes me that pretty much everything was dust after it fell. Thousands of people, tons and tons of steel and building... dust.
I was listening to the radio and some of the interviews with people that lost loved ones that day... one woman lost her brother and her family came back year after year. They said that they will continue to come back every year because this is the only place that they feel his presence. Not his home before it happened, not with his belongings, the clothes that probably still smelled like him, the fridge with his food in it, the car he parked in the parking lot at the train station maybe but at Ground Zero. That is where they felt him. Where they felt like they could still be with him. It was depressing to hear. And what happened to all those cars? Were there cars just left in places... did they drive to the train station near their homes and go to work... and then they never got to retrieve them. The little things that I think of that are conjured up in my mind when this time of the year comes around.



9.11.2007
The day dawns gray
On this somber anniversary
The Heavens cry with us
As we remember those lost
but never forgotten
The innocent, the heroes
This hallowed ground holds you forever
A final resting place
A testament to the country
Our greatest tragedy
Our greatest test of strength
One more year passes
Forever you remain a part of us

changing seasons...

"Come said the wind to the leaves one day, Come o're the meadows and we will play. Put on your dresses scarlet and gold, For summer is gone and the days grow cold." - A Children's Song of the 1880's


I adore autumn... technically it is still summer but September always signals the start of autumn for me. The leaves change color, the days get cooler, the night comes sooner... so many things to love.

I am sitting at work contemplating life. LOL.

Took me awhile

So I have been absent for a bit... really haven't felt like being online. Plus I have been completely absorbed by watching Sex and the City in order. Currently at the end of Season 5. Good stuff I will say. Not too shabby... even if SJP looks like a horse most of the time. It has made me question why many women don't want to get married anymore though. Most of the females that I know do not have the white wedding dream, what has changed? Is it the high divorce rate or is it just not as important as it used to be? And what happened to the desire to procreate and carry on the human existence? Maybe our generation is more selfish? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm engaged, but I shudder everytime someone accidentally calls River my husband. And I'm pretty sure he has the same reaction when someone calls me his wife. Does that mean that we shouldn't have gotten engaged? Someone asked me why I said yes when he proposed if I don't have the desire to get married. I don't know if having a rock on my finger means that I have to get married. Marriage isn't for everyone and I really don't have the dream to wear a white gown and stand up in front of a ton of people and confirm my commitment to someone. I love River, I don't want to be with anyone other than River and I can't really picture the future without River but I don't want a piece of paper that says I have his last name. Living in sin is not so bad the only thing that would change is that piece of paper. And I really don't need anymore paper.
When did this all change? I know so many women that are fine with just having a boyfriend and being monogamous without all the hoopla of marriage. I know even more that are completely turned off by the thought of children as well. Interesting coming from someone who spends so much of her time in Hoboken, which feels like the knocked-up capital of the world. Bumper carriages every weekend and if they don't have a baby it seems that all the women are pregnant. Something in the tap water I guess.
I wonder where the white-picket fence, 2.5 kids, stay-at-home mom dream went.

In other things, I'm still as bitter as ever LOL. Really unhappy with my one job these days, but they will know soon enough. Once again looking for a job waiting tables, it really is the fastest way to money that I know without selling myself on the street corner. Then again, who knows if I have the personality for that anymore... bastard. The puppy if finally healthy, huge and healthy. He is very tall and now weighs in at 32 pounds and still growing. What was I thinking? Damn you adoption days!