Had a few days

I have had a few days to think, to remember, to reflect and to read. I found this poem on another blog and around the net and it is amazing.

From the 104th Floor
by Leda Rodis (age 14 in 2001)

When the plane hit the building
rocked first
to the right
then
to the left,
and outside all the skyscrapers
of New York
seemed to tremble.

The alarms screamed louder
than we did, and I knew
it was time to get away. It's funny
what you notice:
a pen rolling across the floor
my screen saver flicker and go off
a picture of you
and me
at Coney Island.

So much to leave behind. And yet so little.

Running down the hall I remembered
my mother
taking me to the top
of the Empire
State Building when I was just
a little girl,
telling me that a plane
had crashed there a long
time ago. So I thought that maybe
that's
what happened. Just
an accident. And accidents
happen everyday.

Under the blown-out exit sign
a crowd
is screaming,
crying,
pounding
on the door.
I know:
There's

No
Way
Out.

You have to believe that I tried. I'm not the one
to give up.
Back at my desk, I rescue
the rolling pen,
stare
at the blank screen, and
hold
my picture
of you.
I look out
at the blue morning.
I expect
to see God there.
But what I really see is
another plane.
And I know what it means.
But I don't know why...

I always thought that life was full of choices.
It always has been.
What to wear
Where to eat
Who to love
(and you know who I chose).

Now my choices have been taken away from me.
The men in the planes have narrowed my choices
down
to
two:
Death by fire, or death by fall.

I see the smoke
rising
filling the room
It's hard to breathe

I look towards the open window.
What
would falling feel like?

I remember the roller coaster at Coney Island.

The wind tugging at my hair
How good it felt to scream.
The feeling in my stomach.

And how all the way down

I was with you.


14 years old at the time. Amazing. This poem has stuck with me for the last few days. It was 7 years ago but it feels like yesterday. I remember sitting and staring out the window for days just watching the black clouds billow from the site. I was flipping through the channels and came upon the sick programs that play the news from that day... and of course I got stuck... my heart dropped as I watched the towers fall again. Listening to the great reporters of our time talk about the events in disbelief. I have not been back since it happened. I have not watched any of the movies. I don't think I can stomach it. I stayed on that channel briefly before moving on, tears in my eyes. I remember going to school, taking the bus to Hoboken, to take the train to Seton Hall and staring at all the Missing posters hung up everywhere. The sense of sorrow that overcame me looking at those posters. Thinking how awful it must be to not know... to know and still go through the motions of hope. It amazes me that pretty much everything was dust after it fell. Thousands of people, tons and tons of steel and building... dust.
I was listening to the radio and some of the interviews with people that lost loved ones that day... one woman lost her brother and her family came back year after year. They said that they will continue to come back every year because this is the only place that they feel his presence. Not his home before it happened, not with his belongings, the clothes that probably still smelled like him, the fridge with his food in it, the car he parked in the parking lot at the train station maybe but at Ground Zero. That is where they felt him. Where they felt like they could still be with him. It was depressing to hear. And what happened to all those cars? Were there cars just left in places... did they drive to the train station near their homes and go to work... and then they never got to retrieve them. The little things that I think of that are conjured up in my mind when this time of the year comes around.



9.11.2007
The day dawns gray
On this somber anniversary
The Heavens cry with us
As we remember those lost
but never forgotten
The innocent, the heroes
This hallowed ground holds you forever
A final resting place
A testament to the country
Our greatest tragedy
Our greatest test of strength
One more year passes
Forever you remain a part of us